So, I have been completely overwhelmed by my last semester of RN school. It has never been an easy subject before, but now its like I have test block or something..totally sucks. What had me really perturbed was the fact that I studied my ass off, knew the info..and yet when the test got placed in front of me..I basically knew nothing. So I decided to study more...hoping that would help. On the next test...I did worse; How in the HECK does that happen...is what world does that make any sense what-so-ever??? So then I freaked! I have never had a panic attack or anything close..Ive always been a "whatever happens...happens" kinda gal...but now...full blown spaz! The day before the test all the stuff I had been studying from 9am to midnight for over 2 weeks straight..was falling out of my head..Luckily, I had my beautiful friends calm me down a little..we studied some more..my fabulous boyfriend called me to talk to me. I was still scared when I went to bed..but then I had a dream.
In my dream I was basically told..without words..that everything was as it was supposed to be..my grades..all that..was for a reason..but I was going to be ok. I was going to pass and I was going to be a great nurse. The overwhelming calm settled on me, and I went into the test with confidence. I told my friends what I had dreamed..I said that ultimately no one knows until the end of the road what is truly gonna happen..but the calm had a hold of me...and I was gonna ride it till the end on the road..it could only help me.
So, I just barely passed the test, but at least I passed it. lol!
I only have 3 weeks left till graduation. whew! thats close! I hope I will be walking, its a scary thought to me that I wont be out and subject to start my life again for another semester!
On another subject. I have now been seeing a really great guy for a few months. We had been friends before had..an yes..as absolutely corney as it is..met on a video game :P The thing that attracted me to him was that no matter what my mood or situation, he is always there for me. I have never before had a guy say to me not to worry, that we will talk about it...and when I am completely irrational (like on my period) and I say I am sorry for acting all crazy or upset ..he says not to be sorry, If I am feeling that way, he wants to know it, that its not irrational, its the way I feel...its something we need to talk about. How in the hell did I get so lucky?? Someone who actually accepts me as I am? Hmm...tho my cynical mind..the one that has been stepped on is always going..tho it has been mostly squelshed as time has passed.
The only thing thats wrong with him? He has depended on others practically his whole life to basically take care of the details of his life rather than taking it into his own hands. He has been floating thru his life..instead of living it. I completely identify with that..its how I was until I turned 26. I always wanted more out of life..just had no idea how to go about it. We have spent hours talking about the kind of life he wants to live, the one he's dreamed about forever but always seemed unattainable. He is now between two choices..the service like his dad or going to college to figure out what he wants to do. He has been wanting to go to school for years...change can be scary..especially for someone who has been floating most of their life.
I have told him, that as much as I care for him, I need someone in my life that will be a partner..my partner in crime..not another kid. So, my current position...enjoy whats going on right now..the way I feel..we feel. There is no rush..no dire circumstance in which we have to hurry. I am just enjoying...and watching. I am watching what decisions he is going to make to change his life. We will always be friends..that is a definate..but I am in no hurry. I always rushed when I was younger..eager to make something out of what was clearly not there. This time there is no need. I am happy on my own. I actually prefer to be alone...no chance to get hurt..no disputes as far as anything with Joey goes..no headaches. But, I truly believe..that..pending the choices with what he is gonna do..this has a chance of being it.
Luckily..we both have time to see. I have to finish school..start working and saving..helping out my family so they are okay..the start saving and figuring out if I am going to move back to Fresno. He has to start school or get into basic and work. We will go from there. Its nice that we work on things together.
On another note..I AM COMPLETELY IN LOOOOOVVVEEEE WITH TWILIGHT!!!!!
My brother bought me the first book for an early graduation present..lol..of course I couldnt wait till school was over to start! He got it for me and I finished in 2 days...woulda been sooner..but sleep got in the way unfortunately. Dont you ever just fall so in love with the characters of a story that they become practically ur friends???..lol..I know..I'm crazay! But seriously..the things they go thru..you go thru it with them..I am sooo luvin Edward! I am always amazed at the way an author can make you feel about the two people in love. Incorporating so much truth in along with so much more that you know what they are feeling is this overwhelming and wonderful thing...making you wish you could have the same thing..lol..even if it meant getting chased by vampires! LOL!
Anyway! Totally ready to read the others! Christmas! Hooray!!!!
So I think thats a long enought blog for today..hahaha! I'll try not to let it be so long till the next one..
<3 Me
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